During my second pregnancy, we decided that it would be my last. I was never at ease with this decision but pregnancy was just so difficult and, to be honest, having children was overwhelming.
Since the experience went so well, I assumed it may have been God shutting that door. But I still didn’t feel at ease. Months passed and I still kept bringing up having another child but my husband wouldn’t agree. So I sold as many baby items as I could, to try and ease my mind. I didn’t want to look at anymore infant things.
As our two daughter’s got bigger, we got into a schedule. We had our own house and I figured out how to manage everything. Taking care of them became less overwhelming and scary and much more enjoyable.
During this time I had an ongoing health battle. You can read more HERE.
During my recovery process for my health, I still could not shake the thought of having one more baby. Our family hadn’t felt complete and our oldest begged for another sibling day after day. My husband started to agree with me on every level! But there was my health again. Month after month I asked my doctor when it was safe to grow our family. Month after month I kept hearing ” You are not stable yet ” and the defeat kept hitting me. Then January of 2018 I got the green light. I was stable!
By February, my husband and I were hit with what felt like an unbreakable wall. Our marriage was suffering. We felt like it was time to call it quits. Deep down I still wanted that third baby. Whether or not I stayed married, I couldn’t let that thought out of my mind. But it was too late. I had to grieve the loss of someone I never met. I was going through a whirlwind of emotions. The day after Valentine’s day we settled on a divorce and I grieved that loss too. The start to this new year was hard and filled with so much hurt.
Two days later I decided to take a pregnancy test. Just for closure. I had to physically see that this chapter in my life was really ending. The test was very faint so my husband and I took that as a negative. But I still held onto hope. I waited two more days.
I wasn’t ready to give up. I took that test again.
I prayed for this baby for almost two years. I had so much hope that my family was growing and that my oldest would have her dream of holding a new baby sibling again. My youngest would become an older sister and love on the new baby the same way her sister has loved on her. I wanted our family to go on adventures together and experience a joyful life with each other.
The test was positive. Two pink lines clear as day. I held onto that secret for about an hour before I shared with my husband. He was eating popcorn and I said “Well, since you already have your popcorn..” and his response was just like the last two pregnancies. A big laugh and excitement. “NO WAY?!”
I believe that through God, this new baby, gave us the courage and strength to move forward in our marriage. We knew it wasn’t going to be easy but had to try once more. We sought out much help and 6 months later are much more stable than we have been the last 5 years. We finally see each other as imperfect human beings. I don’t think we ever accepted that before now. God has taught me so much about who I am, who I should be as a person and I’m learning more every day. Learning how to serve my husband, my two daughter’s, my family. It is by no means easy, but we are continually working through our lives together.
Four weeks later we decided to take a Sneak Peek test to find out the gender. I had a feeling that the baby was a girl simply because of our girls. I thought it was going to be easy because I already had a bunch of girl clothes! My oldest daughter was set on a girl because that’s all she’s ever known. She was ready for dresses, headbands and ruffles.
The test came within a few days of ordering it and we received the results two days later. My husband sat down with our two girls in his lap and I stood behind him. We opened our computer at the kitchen table and clicked on the results email. My husband exclaimed “It’s a boy!” and we both looked at each other in shock. A boy?! I think we were both a bit terrified. My oldest was so upset.
After the surprise set in, about a week later, we were finally processing what a boy would mean for our family. He is the first grandson for my parent’s and my husband’s. My oldest started giving us ideas for boy names. She had about 10 ideas a day for about two months. It was the sweetest thing! My youngest was set on naming him Cinderella. You can imagine how upset my oldest was everytime she heard this.
Both of our girls are so excited for a boy now. Our two year old can’t wait to feed him and our four year old wants to have him sleep on her chest. This is what I had been waiting for. This is what my heart kept wanting. This is what I didn’t want to give up on. I can’t wait to see my dad and my husband teach this little guy all the things that I can’t. To have three sweet little babies run around our home full of giggles and joy.
This pregnancy has been, by far, my easiest. I was nauseous until 12 weeks and after that I felt great! By 14 weeks I was having braxton hicks but I hear that is more common to get early on after your first baby. I also had these around the same time with my second. I’ve had a few minor bumps here and there but have been able to live each day regularly. I remember getting questions in my first trimester about how I was feeling. I was always so caught off guard because I didn’t feel pregnant at all! I believe the fact that my overall health was greatly improved compared to my last two pregnancies, and that this one is a boy… has helped me to feel much better. But in the end, I don’t really know the answer to that.
During our anatomy scan ultrasound at around 21 weeks, we found out that baby boy had an echogenic focus on both sides of his heart. We had to have a follow up a few weeks after.
During our follow up we saw that one side had resolved! Praise God. So we awaited our next follow up at 30 weeks.
In the meantime, at 28 weeks pregnant, I felt a very real contraction. The pain brought me to tears and scared every ounce of me. My husband and sister went with me to triage and everything was monitored. Nothing was alarming to the nurse or doctor and besides some cramping, I felt better. I was so confused.
I have prayed so much for this little baby but I had yet to pray for his delivery. With my first daughter, I prayed for her delivery YEARS before she was conceived. Throughout my second daughter’s pregnancy, I consistently prayed for her delivery as well. I’m not sure why I have kept pushing the thoughts of delivering this new baby boy out of my head. But this experience made me think of it. Then I was flooded with the thought that I already had my perfect labor and delivery. Maybe this one won’t be so easy. But I pushed those thoughts away again. And did not pray.
Our 30 week ultrasound came yesterday. I was so excited to see our little guy and find out how much he has grown! During our appointment we were told the results of the echogenic focus but to be honest, I don’t remember. The technician immediately said that the baby was breech. I felt so strange because the night before, I had been reading about breech babies. It was like I already had a hunch.
We checked out more anatomy of the baby and everything was looking okay… but the technician kept coming back to baby boy’s cord. It would clamp and release. Clamp and release. Then she got a few pictures of his face and said that he weighed 3 lbs 4 oz. His belly and head had great normal stats, but his femur was bringing everything down. Now, it could be because I am 4’11” and my husband is 5’7″.
But even with that, he is at a 28th percentile and that was alarming. The technician said “Okay I’m going to have a Nurse Practitioner come and speak with you” so we assumed it was to let us know about baby boy’s heart. We waited what felt like a long while and were starting to get confused.
Then the nurse came in. She sat down and proceeded to say what no parent wants to hear. “I hate to be the one who has to share this information. Your baby is in a dangerous situation…”
(I’m still trying to process everything so I’ll keep this short…)
Baby boy is frank breech. He is completely entangled in his cord and this is why his stats are alarming. He keeps clamping the cord and needs to be monitored twice a week for a month. Then we will do another ultrasound to check on his growth. If his cord is clamped for too long we will have to be admitted into the hospital overnight for further monitoring. If things get worse, we will have to have the baby early via cesarean.
The nurse had a lot to say and explain, more depth about the cord, etc. but I honestly think I blacked out halfway through because I was not expecting to hear bad news. I don’t know if he has a nuchal cord or not but we will find out more information by the end of the week.
“When hard things happen, and the best you can manage is to want to believe, that’s enough.” -Craig Groeschel
I am extremely thankful we had this ultrasound. It was a blessing and definitely no coincidence! I also think the day that I felt the contraction was actually baby flipping into a breech position.
It was a lot to take in. I had to focus and keep breathing so I wouldn’t cry in front of the nurse. She immediately took me over to be monitored and I tried not to lose it. I kept thinking about God. Then I could feel my fears battling my faith right in front of me. I want to believe that it will all be okay.
The moment I gave my life to Jesus I have battled so much. I thought that he was going to protect me from everything and that things would be easier. That I would have this bubble of protection around me and I didn’t have to fear harm. But I have learned how that isn’t biblical. God is teaching me unshakable faith. He continues to ask me to trust him more and more every day.
“Are you ready Kayla?” ” No, Lord. I am not”
and I dig my heels into the ground while being pulled forward into the unknown. Then I think of Abraham.
and I begin to slowly lift my feet out of the depth of ground and onto the flat surface.
“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” -Hebrews 11:8
I don’t know where this is going. I don’t know where we are headed, but I know that God is already there.
I am scared. I don’t want to lose this sweet boy. I don’t want to scare his sisters. I don’t want to have to deal with anything comes with this unforeseen situation. I never saw this in our birth plan but I’m ready to take on the next few weeks.
Prayer would be greatly appreciated during this time. Safety and well-being of our baby boy is my biggest concern. I’d love for God to flip him perfectly and make it to full term. I’d love to have him naturally without medication.
But I am okay if that can’t happen. If he can get to full term and come via c-section, great! and if he needs to come early via c-section, I know that he’ll be in good hands. Hands guided by God.
My husband kept me calm during our entire visit. On the way back from the hospital he played worship music and held my hand. He kept checking on me and reassuring me that everything would be okay. We ate and I ended up getting a migraine with an aura, which was mostly likely from stress. I haven’t had one in two years. He kept me calm and didn’t talk about anything worrisome. He let me feel my emotions and held my hand or belly anytime I began to cry again. We visited my husband’s mom really quick. She touched my belly and said that everything was going to be okay. We all believe that God is going to help this baby boy get through this. Then I saw my parents and watched my girls play for a bit. My mom hugged me and held me tight. My mom and middle sister are both nurses. They helped to ease my mind a bit after providing me with more information. My dad tried to talk to me a bit but I couldn’t choke out any words. Then my husband and I went home and watched a movie before bed. He tucked me in and prayed over me. He reassured me again and said that if I couldn’t sleep we could watch more of the movie and to not be afraid to wake him up. I know my family may be nervous as well so prayers for peace for everyone would also be greatly appreciated.
Also, on a lighter note, we will be having a baby shower soon! Since I sold everything prior to baby boy, we really don’t have much to give him. But I am so excited to celebrate him. I truly believe that in this life, we must celebrate aaaaaall the things. Life is so precious.
I have two sisters and two daughters, so I’ve never really had any experience with boys. Below I have linked my baby registry. Please share if anything needs to be added! I also haven’t had a baby in two years, baby items have changed so much since then!
Click Here: Baby List Baby Registry